WHAT WAS IT DOING IN YOUR PANTS!
by GalacticSaz
Summary: The crew need a way out of this predicament, and that octopus balloon would have been a MASSIVE help. Well, it's a good thing their captain is somehow resourceful... even if it is an accident. [Scene rewrite. Genderbend. Fem!Luffy.]


"This Impact Dial… While escaping from the fortress, I kept using it to absorb impacts when those troopers tried to stop us. There's so many inside, I bet we could blast the Merry out of here with it."

Usopp stated, earning a pleased sound from Chopper. Nami sat beside the little reindeer with a smile began to speak next.

"And if we could just get over the mountain with it we could reach open water!"

She sounded almost excited, causing Usopp to grin a little. Then Sanji's words shot any happiness they had down.

"Yeah, but out of the frying pan and into the fire. With that big hole we'd sink right away."

"What if we could make that octopus balloon fly again?"

"Hey, that's a good idea."

The group lightened in their little circle, smiles on most faces. If they could just figure out a plan, then they could be on their way again.

"Yeah, we can use the flame and breath dials to re-inflate it!"

"It would have more hot air than Luffia!"

The crew laugh, said captain nowhere in sight. Then, she threw herself over the railings of the ship and made her way to sit between Zoro and Usopp, massive grin on her face. Neither men seemed to notice, the dilemma at hand being one of more importance than their captain reappearing.

"Too bad we lost it…"

The mood dampened instantly. Chopper and Nami giving their comments of agreement before Sanji turned a thoughtful look to the sky.

"Where'd it go?"

Robin and Zoro joined in with trying to think of where it could be when Luffia piped up.

"I have it."

"Luffia has it."

Usopp tacked on afterwards, Chopper sounding confused as he asked,

"Luffia has it?"

"That's what she said."

The rest of the crew took turns asking who has the octopus and responding when realisation hit. Slowly, all heads turned to Luffia, the grin never leaving her face.

"Yup, sure do!"

Within seconds, the Straw Hats shot to their feet, all eyes on the raven-haired captain. Said woman laughing at the looks of incredulity on their faces. Then they all screamed in unison;

"WHAT?! WHERE?!"

Luffia rose to her feet as well, her smile stretching further. Then, before anyone could say anything else, her hands shot into her shorts and began rummaging around. A moment later, the deflated octopus balloon was pulled out.

"Right here."

Usopp, Chopper and Sanji all went bright red the very second they could see the creature. A strange choked sound leaving Sanji's throat as he turned away with some blood trickling from his nose. A quiet 'lucky bastard' leaving his lips. Nami looked horrified at the very idea of having such a thing crammed into her pants, while Robin simply blinked before chuckling. The simplicity of her captain never ceased to amaze her. Zoro was the only one able to, and willing to, form sentences.

"Why the Hell was it in your pants?"

"He helped us out when we fell from the sky, so I wanted to keep him safe."

"Wasn't that uncomfortable?"

Robin inquired, looking a little too interested to be normal.

"Not really. He kept wriggling and it made me feel a little weird but not uncomfortable."

Robin laughed again, knowing what Luffia had meant without any more elaboration, even if Luffia herself had no idea. Nami looked aghast as she stepped back, hand over her mouth. Chopper sent her a worried look, the ginger having gone a little pale too. Meanwhile, anger seemed to radiate from somewhere between the older women, and everyone turned to see a very angry Sanji.

"Damn octoperv… I'LL TEACH YOU FOR TOUCHING MY CAPTAIN-SWAN!"

He stomped forward, only stopping when Usopp physically restrained the blonde. Fire burned in the cook's eyes, and it was only the fact that Luffia was protectively hugging the octopus that kept Sanji from forcing his way out of Usopp's hold to kick its ass. Robin laughed yet again, the crew's antics entertaining the architect greatly.

"Now that he's back in the fresh air, we should try to inflate him again, right Long Nose?"

Usopp blinked, releasing Sanji so he could look at Robin in the eyes. Said chef hovering around Luffia in hopes of getting a chance to grill the octopus alive.

"Uh, sure. If only I could find my Flame Dial. It's gone missi-"

Before he could finish, the very thing he had lost was pressed against his cheek. He looked out of his peripheral vision to see Luffia grinning at him.

"I was playing with it in the kitchen. 's fun"

Not even a millisecond later, she activates it and he has to shift his face so he doesn't catch fire. He yelps in shock as she releases a hearty laugh. Just behind the captain, he could make out Sanji staring at her with heart eyes and grumbled, taking the dial off her.

"Gah! Stop it, or I'll give you a taste of this Impact Dial!"

"LIKE HELL YOU WILL LONG NOSED BASTARD!"

"Speaking of which-"

Usopp continued, completely ignoring Sanji's outraged cry.

"who's going to fire it?"

He looked around each crew member, face draining of colour as he noticed that every single one of them were staring at him with smirks and gleaming eyes. Even Chopper was against him!

"W-What gives?"

"Who does the Impact Dial belong to?"

"It's Usopp's."

Zoro confirms, grin widening. Robin agrees with them both, making Usopp's lip begin to quiver. He is scared. Oh so very scared.

"Then it's only fair we let the owner do it."

"You're the best Usopp~."

"Good luck Usopp."

Completely trembling now, Usopp feels tears well up in his eyes. Zoro's tone did not help his fear one bit either. Some friends he had!

"Hey, don't worry old buddy. We'll give ya a hand~."

"It's decided then."

Luffia added, voice slightly returning to normal. Which, in any other case, would help Usopp relax. However, right now…

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


End file.
